I had a really weird dream about being in a Japanese market with someone, I just don’t remember who it was. I would imagine it to be Lizzie…
Of course she would be in my dream. Right? Now, as for this part of my dream I know for sure, was incredibly vivid as well. I just can’t remember specifically everything in detail. Except that the market that we were at was incredibly small. We were there because we didn’t want to eat out and thought it would be best if we cooked dinner instead. The dream I had last night/ this morning was one the most vivid and detailed dreams that I have ever had as far as I could remember. The Japanese market shifted into a warped Stanley Kubrick style BestBuy. My normal “civilian” attire warped into my uniform. The market shoppers shape-shifted into my customers. I remember approaching a customer and his wife to see if they needed help. I knew it was work but it didn’t resemble my department at all. As I approached them, I was a bit hesitant because I remember helping them before and they didn’t look too happy this time around. The man I remember more than his wife in detail. It was a tall, lean, black gentleman with dreadlocks that he kept stroking his fingers through from the top of his forehead to the back of his dome. He wore a white tank top and navy blue basketball shorts. His wife I remember being slightly taller than I. As I approached, I hesitantly asked:
“Hey! How you doin’?” like some inexperienced socially awkward kid.
He bluntly responded in the thick accent he possessed:
“Not too good man, you said Asus was supposed to be the best brand.”
(Which in reality I know for damn sure I would never say.)
“What happened to the computer?” I asked.
“It just shuts off and won’t come on.” He said.
He had gotten an open item desktop. Of-fucking-course something would be wrong with it. The awkwardness of the situation was painful and like the asshole fuckface of a salesman that I am I patted him on the back, laughed uncomfortably and said,
“I’m sorry, maaaaan.” and started to turn away.
As I did so I could hear really sad music playing in the background… not the typical BestBuy ambiance, more than likely to have been Múm. Although, I had turned my attention from the customers, I found myself still walking with them completely disengaged. At that moment, I began hearing a woman speaking to herself. She was a tall voluptuous black woman wearing a blue green shirt with a long black skirt that reached her ankles. She wore a small black cardigan sweater. She kept saying things like “I saw him! Isn’t he beautiful?” and “I’m coming to you!” she had this look of pain, fear and confusion in her face that made it impossible not to want to hold her. I myself was confused and didn’t know what was going on. People kept their distance and walked away. I began walking towards her, as if a gravitational pull had a hold on me, completely disregarding the customer I was with, leaving him complaining to his wife. Without thinking I approached the woman and wrapped my arms around her. She kept speaking about how she’ll soon be with “him.” I said nothing. I just held her and she held me back. She didn’t want to let go. She DIDN’T let go. Soon after, she began to feel heavy and her fearful sob became whispers. There was now acceptance and calm in her voice. I slowly lowered her down to the ground. She had died in my arms. Natalie confirmed it. I stood up…and it was over.
When the dream ended I found myself in a state of semi-consciousness. I remember murmuring. Once I fully woke up, I cried uncontrollably. I don’t know why. I can’t remember the last time I actually cried. There weren’t tears of emotional pain… only this inexplicable and uncontrollable weeping.
What I took from this was the understanding of how redundant my job is in comparison to everything else going on in the world. I feel that it was my subconscious forcing me to prioritize and remember the truly important things in life.
Not material possessions…
…But the simplicity of having a healthy emotional connection and sympathizing with humans around you. Realizing that something as simple as holding someone in your arms can speak so much louder than the money that you have in your pocket.
I know it’s all cliché and maybe even irrelevant and I don’t share this to seem insightful or deep or for sympathy or comfort but because I feel like I haven’t been honest and open to people or even myself in such a long time. I’m doing this as a form of gaining some perspective on who I am as a person and the world around me. This is my way of putting myself out there and welcoming criticism and reproach with a big “FUCK YOU” and the ability to walk away with my self-confidence intact.
“Since we all came from a woman, got our name from a woman, and our game from a woman. I wonder why we take from women, why we rape our women, do we hate our women? I think its time we killed for our women, be real to our women, try to heal our women, cus if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies.”